im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
