i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
