Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
