I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
