When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
