it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
