Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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