i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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