She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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