Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
