The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
