Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
