i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
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I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
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