your parents love me but you hate me
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
