Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(315): View more from New York

I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"

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(618): View more from Illinois

It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.

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(915): View more from Texas

Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck

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(607): View more from New York

im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.

(607): View more from New York

way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses

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(562): View more from California

Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.

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(303): View more from Colorado

I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring

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(773): View more from Illinois

we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.

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(604): View more from British Columbia

We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms

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