I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
