i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
