I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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