So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
