He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
