made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
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Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
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And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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