dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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