Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
