just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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