Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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