I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
