why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
