just tell him i said nine months
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
