My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
