Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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