Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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