those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
