what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
