the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
