I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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