how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
she woke up with a sticky ear
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
