Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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