i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
