there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
