Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
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she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
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She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
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