Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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