In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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