My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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