You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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