she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
