Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
