Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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