We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
