i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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