from now on my penis is your penis
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
