I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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