i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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