Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
