Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
