He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
