And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
