k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
