I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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