Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
