Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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