It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
