By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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