Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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