mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
