I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
