I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
