Barsexuality is the new black.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
