just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
