i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
