I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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