Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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