I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
