I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
