JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
