if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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