Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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