Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
