I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
