Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
