Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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