I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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